Turns out I'm still the Royal Necromancer. Benedict sits on the throne, now, and my darling Tally asked him for a boon on my behalf. I wonder if his Majesty will get her a pony, as I requested.

I need to speak with his Majesty, though, concerning Culver. Goodness, does my uncle get himself in trouble. I can't imagine he's feeling terribly healthy right about now, though. Might've been simpler and more merciful for me to have simply killed him. I've yet to tell cousin Irene about that little incident. I hope she's not too angry. Still, she should be pleased at the time I've been spending with Cordelia, though the poor thing's still terribly naive.

Visited Karm the other night. Alexandra was napping, unfortunately. Spent a bit of time speaking with the former Duke, whose dislike of Feldanes is largely unbated. Stubborn old man. Gil was not about that I could see; then again, I did not search for him. Some bees' nests are best left unstirred, for now. His father's back, though. Blasted man didn't even bring me any souvenirs, alas! I'd be dishonest if I said I weren't relieved to have the Admiral around again, though. I don't mind decision-making, but it's nice to know that if I've made the wrong decision, I'll find out sooner rather than being surprised later by Gerard's wrath. And speaking of Karms, I received a most interesting package from one, containing a green stone. I'll need to sift through more research on Blight to determine if it will truly help heal the damage done.

Spoke with Redhand, briefly, the other day. Wonder if he'll take my advice, regarding his newest crewmember and fraternization. Man never listened to me, anyway.

I should really check back in with Princess Deirdre. She's been largely absent, understandably. Maybe I should take her drinking and ask her to leave the axe at home. Incidentally, her son has turned out to be less of a monster than I suspected. Still, I must remember to avoid him at the new moon.

Back to my papers. I just know there are answers to be had here, if I dig deeply enough.

Things never quite work out the way one expects them to, do they? It's been a tumultuous few days, in many ways. Princess Deirdre took up the Regency, and Prince Caine admitted he'd made a mistake and failed at a rather ambitious task. Shame, that. Deirdre didn't stay on the throne for terribly long, thanks to her brothers. Frankly, I've got no idea what to do. And I've got no idea if I'm still the Royal Necromancer. I suppose time will tell.

Uncle Culver finally pushed me too far. I sort of put my sword through his gut. I didn't mean for it to go in quite that far. Leaving him bleeding was, perhaps, not the courteous thing to have done.

I'm not sure where my manners have been, lately. Maybe it's everything with Gil, though I finally made the most difficult decision, there. Thank goodness he'll still let me see Alex. Still, he didn't have to be quite so even-keeled about it. He's clearly not going to have much of an issue bouncing back. Gerard's son, and all that.

Yes, yes. Woe is me. Enough moping. I've got the first snow in Weirmonken to look forward to, and I'm sure there's more than that, of course. Speaking of - what a strange encounter in the coffeehouse today. I thought I'd seen a ghost for a moment.

Of course, I am a Feldane. What's new, in my seeing ghosts?

They called me Lady Reaper.  They asked me to pick one among them to be hunted to the death.  And now, I must find a way to bring death to Murder.  Vladimir really owes me, this time.  Of course, he did introduce me to Snowy... 

No.  Chudevic owes me.  Or maybe I'll owe him when all is said and done.  Either way, I think I'm going to need something stronger than wine.

I do miss Gil, though I know he's doing important work off in Shadow for the Crown. And what happens, I wonder, if he doesn't return?  Hopefully Llewella will make good on the request I made of her.  Hopefully Julian will, as well.  I wonder who's taking over the Hounds, though.

Redhand made a convenient reappearance.  At least he paid for dinner.  I just wish he looked less ... goodness, I don't know.  Healthy.

I've a roommate for a few days.  A rather unexpected roommate.  He's promised he'll behave, and that he'll even be nice to the cats as long as they don't pee on him.  I hope they don't.  I'm sure he'll return the gesture.  

Then there's Deirdre's son.  Mordred.  Nik hates him. I've mixed feelings.  He did take me to a carnival, though; he even won me a stuffed monster in the axe toss.  I'm afraid he's learned one of my guilty pleasures, though: cotton candy.

Still, on brighter notes, the work that we've done on the Blight seems to be working, albeit slowly.  I'm terribly proud of Uncle Artemus for it.  I'm also glad Cousin Irene has returned, even if she is almost insanely besotted with Anna.  I feel sorry for the servants - any baby is bound to cry.  Unicorn protect the servant that's holding the baby when she does, though!   This is yet another wonderful reason for me not to actually marry Gil any time soon and produce babies.  It'll rot my brain, I fear. 

And I suspect I'll need my wits about me for a while to come.  Murder's an utter psychopath, but he isn't stupid.  Curse him.

Busy, busy, busy.  I find I barely have a moment to myself these days, though I really can't complain.  I knew what I was getting myself into.

To do:
1. Keep Marines out of trouble.  They're still not scared of me enough yet for this to be 100% reliable.  Must work on that.

2. Figure out what precisely a Royal Necromancer does.  I wonder if Prince Julian'd give me an office.

3.  Hunt down a giant, nasty horse for His Highness.

4. Plan a party for the Moon Court.  Spring is quickly coming upon us, so perhaps something in keeping with the season. A garden party?  How decidedly not in keeping with my previous to-dos.  

5. Introduce my sister around, including to Duke Basil.  Harass her about seeing a Mandrake.  Learn how to say thank you when she says she's proud of me.

6. Tell Gil that Basil said yes.

7. Plan a bloody wedding.  A real one. Not on a ship. With more than twelve guests. Perhaps even one where my husband won't tell me I should sleep with Gerard instead of him on the wedding night!  How LOVELY would that be?

8.  Either find Real, or hide from him.  I'm not certain which.  Gil's still worried about people falling off the floating rocks. (But the FOUNTAINS...)

9.  I wonder if Tally'd be a bridesmaid again. And Miranda.  And Lisette. And maybe Nik would carry the rings.  I wonder if he'd eat them... And Alex would look so adorable... curses.  I'm being all girly about it.  Can't wear white though, this time.  Damn.  Must pick a color. And flowers. And a dress. And...

...find a paper bag to breathe into.  

Ah yes, better.

10.  Start drinking.





 

It's been an eventful few weeks.  I'm exhausted and exhilarated, and to be honest, a little overwhelmed.

I took a trip with Emrys.  We ended up on a deserted isle, with only stone and a tower that glows with a sickly light in the darkness.  There were so many spirits.  I wasn't entirely sure I would prevail, but I did.  I hope that it helped him.  The shimmer has finally worn off, though I think it amused Gil greatly while it lasted.

Speaking of Gil, we paid a visit to Valentine to talk to him about some jewelry.  I feel guilty, given that I've rather expensive taste.  I wonder if I can quietly give Valentine a little something to offset the cost.  And my guilt.  Either way, I imagine we'll see the mock-ups sometime soon and be able to pick out a final design.  Now, if only her Grace will speak to His Grace.  I'm rather anxious about the outcome of that meeting.

I've found myself with a promotion.  It takes a bit of getting used to: Brigadier Feldane.  It's a lot of testosterone to rein in, with the Marines.  I nearly fell over when I realized Gerard wasn't joking about the promotion.  Must pick up the new uniform from the tailor.

Finally, I  supposedly have a new family member.  An older sister.  I'll have to check into her story, of course, but... the resemblance is undeniable, even if her hair's a rather uncanny shade of red. Appealing, but uncanny.  Lisette.  She seems to know where Father is, and though I'm naturally inclined toward suspicion... I've not seen him since I was a little girl. Mother won't talk about him.  I wonder if he's even interested in seeing me.  Well, time will tell,  I suppose...

So, I climb out onto a limb and ask a Big Question.  He answers.  I don't see him for two weeks, through no fault of either of ours.  It rather figures, doesn't it?

Trying to figure out just where to find the "resource" I need to complete the task Brand's asked of me. There's a terribly childish little voice in me that wants to hop up and down and yell, "But what's in it for ME?"  (Why, the knowledge that I've provided a Great Service to my kingdom, of course!)

Emrys has asked me to take on a fairly vast responsibility. I was surprised and honored, really. 

Gerard has said he wants to talk to me about my career.  Let's hope this doesn't mean demotion.

The cats are fretting at the windows again; the spirits are being a bit irritating. I'm going to have to do some "yardwork," I suppose, and get rid of the bloody things.  

Just when I think things are settling into a pleasant sort of comfort, something comes up.  Such is the way of life, of course, but the timing is (naturally) leaving something to be desired.

Gilgamesh and I had a long talk. A very good long talk, as it turns out. He's going to have to speak to the Duchies, of course (there's no way I'm getting him out of that), but I think that may be less of an obstacle than I might've feared otherwise. His father is, at least, supportive of it.

Speaking of his father... that was yet another interesting, long talk. I sometimes wonder what might've happened if he hadn't up and disappeared when he did.  I'd forgotten what a good friend he can be.  I'm going to have to apologize for sulking at him, and I may have to take him up on the offer to pound on people sometime. Really, how could I turn that down?

I met another of Gil's uncles.  Interesting fellow. He warned Gil about treating me right, which is somewhat ironic from his family. He was being rather cryptic about politics, which makes me more than a little wary in general. `

Another red-haired Prince has asked me to find the same path I did once before.  I confess that I have both longed to travel that path again and dreaded it, all at once.  It's the sort of thing that nags at the back of your mind, horrible enough that you try to put it out of your thoughts and yet somehow, it still draws you.

Damn it.

Damn him.

This time, I hope there are no flying monkeys, flesh-eating sheep or giant caterpillars with bad intent.  Emrys will be coming along, so that's something.  Perhaps he can help me find the appropriate sacrifice to begin our journey.  Messy, messy, messy.  I don't like it.

But I'll do it, because the Regent has asked me, and I have a feeling this place is the key to many things.  I just hope that I survive the trip. I have to, really.  There's too much good my life right now for anything else to be acceptable.

I'm surrounded by roses.  Dozens.

Life is good.

Carry on.

Just a quick note - I'm likely to be scarce-ish between now and after New Year's, due to visiting family and work.  I hope everyone's having wonderful holidays, whichever ones they celebrate!

xoxox

I am - unsurprisingly - a jumble of very conflicted feelings.  

Alexandra is a delight.  I'm rather taken with her.  She's not my child, though, and I've got to be careful not to get too attached. Who knows what the future holds, after all?  The last thing I want to do is overstep my bounds and upset her father, so I'm struggling not to dote too much on her. I'm not sure I'm succeeding, though.

Spoke to His Grace, Basil, about certain matters.  He was more receptive than I expected.  The worst he said was that they're not a terribly monogamous lot, and well, that's a better reaction that I was bracing myself for.  Now, how much do I tell Gil? 

A good friend took me out for drinks one night, and I found out the next day that he'd gotten himself married.  He says it makes him happy, so I suppose that makes me happy for him.  As for her, well, it seems she's gotten her happily ever after -- I hope. She seems to have wanted it badly. I just pray that the political fall-out from this is minimal for all of our sakes.

I still haven't caught up with Valentine yet. Now it's going to have to be an apology with flowers, or something.  Note to self: Procrastinating over apologies never does any good.  It just makes them more expensive.

Ran into Cousin Kai briefly.  He looks well; it seems time at sea is agreeing with him.  I hope I'll get to see him shipboard soon, that i might give him the pointers he's asked me for.

Must begin to prepare for a trip to Whitehold.  I'll have to contact Lady Shadowdancer for it, though it took me a moments to puzzle through the fact that Basil was not, indeed, speaking of Rae. I am hoping that she and I can put our past differences aside to accomplish the task. I'll have to run it past Nik first.

How is it that I managed to have such an important conversation, and still feel just as uncertain afterward as I did before it?

Clearly, the only thing left to do is go home and spend quality time with the sherry left over from my wedding gifts, and avoid him the subject in the future. Safer that way.

Still have to apologize to Valentine, though.  I can't mangle that conversation quite as badly... can I?


... It's later.  Captain Malachi paid me a visit, much to my surprise.  Looks like I'll be spending some time out at sea.  Excellent.

A brief to-do list:
1. Apologize to Valentine for punching him, even if he did deserve it.  Hope he's still willing to make me the circlet.
2. Convince Gil that whatever leather thing he's got for me, he shouldn't put off the giving.  I'm dying to know what it is.
3. Thank Addy for cutting me out of the spider-snake web.
4. Visit Delgado to make certain they've been able to clean up their zombie problem.
5. Follow up with Artemus about various projects.
6. Find out just where Altair has gotten off to.
7. Finish preparing my garden for winter.
8. Stop fretting over certain, unchangeable things.
9. Visit the Townhouse and say hello to the Ancestors.
10. Take another day off.  The last one was very nice.

It's been an eventful few days.  Nothing world-shattering, but a small, subtle sort of eventful that likely only affects me profoundly.

Gil said something entirely surprising that I ought to have seen coming.  I'm glad he did.  He also said I'm pretty, which I think is Gil's default setting when faced with an upset woman, or at least with an upset Emma.  Clever man.

I wasn't able to stay for much of Blood Harvest.  I didn't want to ruin Rae's lovely party with my spirit drama, but the damned things just won't leave me alone lately.  I don't know how people can just walk about, entirely oblivious to things that swirl and dance over their heads.  The last straw was the little monster who called me -- what was it?  Oh, right.  "A meal on legs." I reminded it firmly that Feldanes aren't meals for the spirits, even Weir ones.  Quite the opposite. A few of its little friends followed and learned the same lesson. 

Ran into someone even more unexpected on my way home this morning.  Niklas. Can a man really change that much?  I guess I'll find out.

And now, I need to sleep, desperately.  Must rest up before the trip to Cibola. 

Visited Weirmonken briefly today; Emrys was forced to put one of the Weir in his place.  Familiar feeling.  Some Weir never learn, I suppose.  I left before I could become part of the drama, though I'll return to attend Blood Harvest in Bluhkav.  Hopefully I can see a little more of Rae then.

Returned to Amber, found Valentine and Robin in the Mead Hall.  Or, rather, they found me. We set off in search of steak, found cousin Addison -- he was not steak, of course -- and went to the Crown and Rose.  A discussion of archetypes ensued.  Addison is, of course, Death.  I am.. some other version of Death.  (Seriously?)  Valentine also said I'm scary sometimes. I'm not sure what to think about that.  I'm not scary. Am I?

Valentine, we decided, was a small jeweled shoulder dragon (good thing he can't read my diary, or he'd likely strangle me for committing that to writing).  Gil, per my suggestion -- and this was the crux of Addison's puzzling over archetypes -- fits the Gunslinger mold. 

I wonder if he'll want to come along with us to Cibola.  Could always use a Gunslinger, even where guns don't work. 

A few lessons learned from my last adventure.

1. Gil does not think getaways that involve saving the world and slaying zombies are romantic. I'm sort of disappointed.
2.  Valentine thinks they're a fabulous vacation. I can hardly wait for Cibola.
3.  Addy is a little crazy.  It's cute.
4.  I suspect Staff Sergeant McDuffy no longer thinks me a ponce.  I think he's still a little shaken by the "tank" made of dead flesh, bone and metal. 
5.  The Ritual of Sealing the Dead was incredibly powerful where we were.  I've never seen anything so beautiful as thousands of souls released to their rest. 
6.  "Rescuing" ship officers in Penglai in the middle of a revolution is fun.  Killing hoardes of zombies is somewhat more fun.  Both left me in desperate need of a bath.
7.  I don't really know how to handle adulation.  Good thing Addy, Gil and Valentine were there so I could slink off a bit and hide.
8.  Breakfast, however -- that I can handle.  Maple syrup.. is a little bit of heaven.
9.  I'm not sure if I should stay and try to clean things up a bit elsewhere, here, or go home and sleep for a few days.  
10.  The entire town of Delgado (what's left of it) is going to need a hell of a lot of therapy.
 

Why am I even considering this? Have I gone as mad as my mother? I can't even come up with a list of pros and cons, because the only pro I can come up with is "It would be nice." One item does not a list make. There are a thousand items on the cons side, however.

Seriously, self. What the hell?

Still. Monogamy. Might be worth it. It's not marriage, right? How badly can it go? 

Er, never mind.  I need a drink and probably a good shaking on top of it.  And then I can fret over the state of the City and little ghosts that've been fluttering around that I am trying to ignore.  They really, really don't get the point.

The cats think they're fun to chase, though.

I hope it's not cowardly of me to be glad that neither of their Highnesses needed my services explicitly. At least I wasn't still in my bathrobe.

Robby has pointed out to me that I may have been completely oblivious to something for months now. I feel terrible for not seeing it sooner, if that's the case. I do hope I can make it up to him. What would I do without friends to give me the occasional (figurative) shake to wake me up?

On an unrelated note, really must introduce Cousin Potion to the Good Doctor. They'd get along fabulously, and I think they might be able to collaborate on something.

Someone brought a (political? personal? hard to say.) proposition to me. I've got very mixed feelings about it. I'm sure His Grace will be wanting a chat with me about it. Dear me, dear me.

Finally... how could it take him almost dying for me to open my eyes?

When dating someone, when exactly is it appropriate to begin fretting not so much that you've not seen them, but that NO ONE has seen them? And when is it appropriate to hunt them down in earnest to make certain they haven't gone and gotten themselves killed?

A few notes to self:
1. Snow-covered mountain retreats are a lovely escape.  The only problem is that coming home is a bit of a let-down.
2. Cousins who brew lovely tea and make stunning perfumes are to be cherished.  Even if they do ask for your help with large-scale gardening projects and don't believe you when you remind them you've got a brown thumb. He's hard to say no to, though.
3. Adventures in the Lower City are fun, though I'm quite certain I'm not so good an actress as Robby says I am. Must take Robby  out on a ship and get him more comfortable with the whole notion.
4. Therapy is just a polite word for torture.  Cibola had better be worth it. I don't care how cute he is.
5. Heads on pikes?  Fun! Even if I do have to brave the wounded prince to find out more. At least I'm not the one who almost made him cough up blood.
6. The Great Storm is both wet and cold.  Not nearly as lovely as a puppy's nose.
7. I want my zombie kitten linens.  It'll make up for the ones that were ruined. Stupid chocolate.
8. Should contrive an excuse to show off the fox-gown for G, since he did ask to see it.  He caters to my ego far too much.
9. Why did Addy have to go and mention giant muffins?  I'd best tell my housekeeper to start baking; my stomach demands muffins, even if they're not particularly giant.
10. I realize I'm a Feldane.  I realize that I'm going to be seeing things other folks don't.  But really, do all the spirits that have a tragic story to tell suddenly have to come find me?  And why do I feel so damned obligated to Make Things Right when they do?